How Nigerian Women "Rape" Men by UvieOghene Dafeakeh


My fellow men – this article is pro- men, by the way – what you're reading is a glimpse of my experiences and impressions of the effect of female manipulation, financial “rape” and psychological harassment. I don't know if your experiences are similar. Please let me know if what you read here is very far from your experience.

Usually our attention –those of us who live in Nigeria – is brought to the many instances of discrimination, prejudice, subjugation, manipulation, harassment of, and violence against women by men. We're informed, as often as we care to read or listen, that the Nigerian man is generally insensitive to and is oftentimes a huge obstacle to the interests and welfare of women. Well, that may be true in a lot of cases, and I sympathize with the many innocent victims, but in this article I want to turn the spotlight on to women – specifically those Nigerian women that live in the urban and suburban areas. I have very limited exposure to or experience with female village folk. I'll check with my friends in the rural areas for their experiences by a different medium. Social media isn't exactly their strong suit, if you get my drift.

This article is going to be one-sided, blame will completely be placed at the feet of womenfolk, just as is the case with articles about women where men are blamed almost entirely. There shall be some advice for women. It is sincerely hoped that women will advise themselves after reading this. Because really, they have the yam and they also have the knife in this matter.

Well, if one were to explore the different methods and means by which many women in Nigerian urban areas put men in this country through excruciating mental, psychological and emotional pain this would be a very long article (please make that “very, very long”, we're Nigerians). So to keep it shorter and to lessen the pain of fellow male (and female) sufferers whose torturous memories may be resurrected, I shall focus on the area of FINANCIAL RAPE.

Really, it is like there is a war out there and many Nigerian ladies are intent on causing men as much pain as possible (with a wily smile on their faces, of course). The easiest, most socially acceptable method to cause a man grief without being accused of any offense is to RAPE HIM OF HIS MONEY.

There are many occasions I can recall, when I have gone home after an encounter with a lady and realized that I had lost more of my virtuous money than I would have ordinarily spent or intended to. Now, some ladies would argue that (1), it is not nearly as traumatic as rape, (2) that it is not as violent as rape, and (3) that rape against women is carried out against the victim's consent.

Let me address these –apologies to my big sis Minah – with due respect to female rape victims, you cannot understand the feeling of worthlessness, shame and ineptitude a man has when he is coerced by a single lady or group of ladies (yes, many ladies assent to this practice) into parting with his hard-earned funds, knowing full well that his desire to be friendly or secure a genuine relationship with one lady has been taken advantage of to accelerate his financial ruin.

Ladies often advise men “a woman will either help to raise you or help to ruin you, but she'll definitely help you”. This is traumatic for a lot of adolescent males and may explain why as adolescent males mature, they develop an attitude of “it's all a game/battle of wits”. At the early stages of life, the girls usually win this “battle”, because they're apparently stronger psychologically, if not emotionally. Ask as many boys as you want, the trend is that many adolsecent males become promiscuous in this part of the world, not primarily because of their raging hormones, but because they have a strong feeling of having been taken advantage of by a girl or lady or ladies at some earlier point.

Women also argue that this form of coercion is not violent, but I insist that it is a form of psychological violence, inasmuch as women take advantage of a natural tendency (or weakness?) of adolescent males and men for protection and providing to coerce them into giving, or face the negative connotation of being inadequate, weak or of low status if a man cannot or is unwilling to give. This is violence, as the man's defences are broken down with force, albeit a psychological one.

As for the final argument, that rape must be against the will and consent of the victim, I admit that apart from men who have learned to be ruthless and manipulative (I daresay with much experience from women), there are few men who will give things to a woman while expecting sexual favours immediately. However, men are sowers and reapers. They like to sow and they love to reap (sometimes where they did not sow). If a lady coerces a young man to take her out and she has her friends tag along (at this expense), that is NOT consent, that is coercion and as far as I am concerned FINANCIAL #RAPE! If a young man dates a young lady and suddenly all her bills become his automatically that is FINANCIAL #HARASSMENT! If a young man invests time and resources to sponsor a lady's education with the intention of marrying her (which is a moral given, if they were during the period romantically involved), and she turns around to say she has advanced beyond his level and will not be marrying him anymore, that is ADVANCED FEE FRAUD! I am writing this from the perspective of a man.

This article would be much longer if I went into the many and varied scenarios that women concoct to extort funds and items from men. If it is possible for a man to rape his own wife, then I submit that it is possible also for a wife to swindle her own husband criminally. It is also possible for her to rape and harass him financially.

The irony of it is that this behavior works AGAINST women. Because the boys and men women manipulate and coerce wise up and realize that it is never win-win with these types of women, it's a GAME, or a WAR! So ladies, please love yourselves. Please love your fellow women, do not set them up to become victims of your endless scheming and subterfuge!

Men, they say, build empires while ladies civilize them. It is the nature of men to dominate. If women continue to practice subterfuge, men will continue to dominate them in this area. Ladies should shun women who refuse to dignify themselves, because they are enemies to womenfolk. Please if any man shows interest in you, except he is a blood relative (I hear that there are even exceptions in this case, horror!) know that he eventually wants to sleep with you, either legitimately or otherwise!Do not deceive yourselves about this please! If you would take his money or items with no intention of honoring that tacit understanding, know that you are sowing the seeds of wickedness that either you or another woman will eventually reap! It is very much like when you let a guy sleep with you for the first time, and then you realize that you were just a sex object for his personal amusement. Do you not feel violated and used afterwards? Well, it is the same feeling for men who have not entirely lost their innocence.

Men value their money the way women value their bodies. Please do not take the extortion of money from men as a “game” the way some men take the raping of innocent women as adventure. Try to put things in perspective. You work hard to keep your virtue and dignity as a woman and submit it only to a man (or men?) deserving of you. Men work hard to earn money and would really love to spend it on only women deserving of their provisions. Taking money from a man automatically makes you into a commodity. If you hoodwink men of their money, another woman will pay or be robbed of the goods you failed to deliver. Think of it as a ripple effect of your actions.

There is this joke I heard that puts in perspective the attitude of men and women to sexual rape. Well, imagine that news came that men were raping women along a certain road, you would be sure that women would do everything possible to avoid that area! However, if news came that WOMEN were raping men along another road, you would find a lot of men in boxer shorts roaming that road hoping to be “raped”! Well, it appears that while a lot of men blame the victims of female rape, a lot of women on the other hand blame the victims of male financial rape. Both attitudes are very selfish and WICKED!

What causes these forms of wickedness? Yes, for it is indeed wickedness, whether intentional or not! Many women will say it is caused by men who use money as a tool of manipulation. To some extent that is true, but I believe that the answer lies in the home and the solution lies with mothers and fathers. Mind you, I did not just say “parents”. Because not every parent is a mother or a father. Fathers should teach by example the dignity of womanhood to their daughters and sons. Fathers should make sure that their daughters realize that the greatest beauty of a woman is not physical but spiritual, that wisdom is profitable for them. Fathers should let their daughters know that only cheap women make commodities of their bodies. Mothers should teach their daughters to learn what love really is. They should learn to practice love by showing love to everyone they meet, not by sleeping with men and extorting items by cunning means from them, but by dignifying everyone as much as possible. They should show love to their fellow women by not presenting themselves as crafty self-seeking beings who do not know the value of their bodies. They must not give the impression that will only give their bodies to those who are ruthless enough to either outsmart them in a game of wits and money or use superior physical strength. They should dignify womanhood by dignifying themselves.

Please ladies, honor yourselves, do not let or make him spend on you until you're certain that there is a MUTUALLY agreed satisfactory destination for that relationship – extramarital sex or marital happiness (not everyone is a Christian or Muslim).

Every choice is a seed. Please sow carefully. Let's stop all these acts of mutually assured wickedness.

Okay, dear women, I will admit here that a lot of men who give, do so to impress and/or out of a feeling of inadequacy (that's another whole different article... Who will write it?). But isn't that also proof that what these women do is harassment and exploitation?

And it still became long.The article, I mean... :)

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